and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize