I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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