its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
