well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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