a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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