She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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