..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love you. Go after that dick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
