no you cant smoke seaweed
The beer is more important than you right now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pooping to opera.
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