I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you had me at cake vodka
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
