So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
