I've blown a few things in my day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
