Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize