i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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