So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize