I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's shark week go big or go home
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
