....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
