she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize