when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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