i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
