He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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