twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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