I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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