Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
