dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
