I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
