I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
