Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
