Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
