franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
