Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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