so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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