i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
