he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
