I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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