Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
