Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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