I am in a vortex of obligation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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