He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
