those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Come see our sink grown plant.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
