That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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