the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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