The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
