I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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