You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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