I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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