Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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