I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
