Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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