Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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