spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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