pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
