my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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