you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
