Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
