The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
