I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
