I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
