There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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