I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
