Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So much Jack, so little girl.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
