Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
