I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize