I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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