when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
