He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
