I hate your face
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
