Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
